I’m struggling with my post this evening. There are several topics that I could write about but something has happened this past week that just burns me beyond belief. I ran across a guy who is like a big bully – abusive, rude, intolerant, thinks he is always right and barks orders to those around him. If he can’t get his way, he goes on offense and threatens others with law suits and makes unreasonable demands.
When I taught team dynamics to many of the groups that I have worked with throughout the years, this type of behavior was referred to as a “manipulative cycle.” This comes from the fact that when mean people think they have an advantage, they tend to pile on with even more ammunition to drive their opponent to their knees; or even better, into the ground. I used to be the kind of guy who was guilty of some of this stuff myself – before I realized that there was a better way to live – a higher and more noble platform from which to operate. And I was NEVER like the guy that I have encountered the last week or so. It hit a new high with his behavior today.
Now I admit that my first reaction was that I wanted to reach in my drawer and bring out my hammer to smash the guy. My brothers and I were raised in a family that honored people – especially women. And I was taught that dignity and respect were the means we used to communicate with one another. To this day, I get angry when I see people treat others with disdain and disrespect. I admit that I find the poor treatment of women especially outrageous. It pushes my buttons.
I spent some time this afternoon trying to decide how I wanted to respond to this guy… Clearly, I did not have my emotions under control as all I could think about was putting this person in his place. But then, another thing happened. A neighbor called me and we had a pleasant conversation about an issue that I have been working on for months. And then I had an invitation to breakfast tomorrow morning. That whole interlude gave me a little distance and time to rationally consider my response.
Now I know the proper Christian response. I’m sure you do also. But I was having a difficult time getting there from this place of heightened emotion. And let’s face it. As mentally healthy adults we are to lead with our intellectual left brain and temper it with our emotional right brain – not the other way around.
I have also spent time trying to think up some slick comebacks for this bully. But then reason started to take over and I realize that isn’t the right way to go about it. I need divine guidance and the counsel of good fellow Christians.
Tonight’s verse comes from the Proverbs, one of the books written by King Solomon, the son of King David. He also wrote Song of Songs and Ecclesiastes. The Proverbs contain verses of wisdom written by someone who was considered the wisest man who ever lived. Solomon gives us the benefit of his wisdom throughout the book, including passages that give us insight on how to treat evil or undesirable people. He tells us, in Proverbs 9:7-9, “Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.” So this verse tells us what we should do when encountering hard to love people.
Of course, the next step is to pray for those who abuse others. That’s the piece that I know is correct but I am having a difficult engaging my prayer life to ask God’s blessing on this guy and others like him.
My encouragement this evening is to show restraint when addressing people that push our buttons and try to get us to abandon our higher ground; to entice us to get in the gutter with those we are angry at. My prayer is that God will grant us mercy and grace – and allow us time to implement the right response when confronted by those who would abuse and intimidate us. Life goes on. Have a great day in the Lord, grace and peace…