1:58 a.m.

Tonight, I am in Maysville, KY teaching a sales team for a client of mine. I drove here from Carmel this morning and started class around 1:00 pm. But the story this evening isn’t about tonight, it’s about last night after I wrote my post for the evening. Because I headed to bed a little before midnight – content and full of appreciation for all the blessings that we have received.

I fell asleep just fine, but the next thing I knew it was 1:58 a.m. and I found myself wide awake. Janet was sleeping peacefully, but I just couldn’t get comfortable. I wasn’t sick or anything – just not able to sleep. I tossed and turned and all that I could think about was that I was about to be summoned to the principal’s office in grammer school. Ever had that happen? When you were a kid and you were asked to go down see somebody in authority… You didn’t know if you were going to be disciplined or recognized? Well, that’s exactly how I felt last night. Only it wasn’t the principal I was thinking about – it was God. And that was a scary thought for me. Because even though I think I lead a God centered life, I won’t know how I stack up until I stand before the throne some day and am asked to defend my choices. I really don’t want to do that! Probably because I know that I can always do better. Furthermore, I don’t want to disappoint God.

Mind you, this wasn’t a dream – I was wide awake. I kept trying to go to sleep but it wasn’t to be. Finally, I looked at the clock again and it was 2:47 am. Still no sleep. And, the same thing at 4:02. Then, thankfully, somewhere along the line, I finally fell asleep until 6:05 am, when the alarm went off. I spent most of the night in prayer – make that discussion – with God. Trying to figure out what the next chapter of my life is supposed to look like, and also trying to make sure that I was in alignment with God.

The thing about last night is that I was frustrated. Usually, I get an inkling of what God would have me do. Not last night – no such luck. I was doing the thinking and the talking – but I just couldn’t get a read on any type of response from the Father – and I just hate that when it happens. I think that I have become so used to hearing from God, and live my life in such a way as to expect miracles, that it is incredibly disappointing and frustrating when I can’t figure out if I am to zig or to zag.

I hope that this level of honesty doesn’t cause some of you to think that I have a screw loose. I know that when I am awake in the middle of the night, after I have fallen asleep, that there is something I am supposed to process. After all, we serve a patient God and if I haven’t devoted enough time to Him, them He patiently waits for me and causes me to awaken in the middle of the night. In fact, I almost got up and wrote this post last night but I was hoping that I would be able to sleep – I just guessed wrong…

So I don’t know that I made any progress – I am somewhat content today but I don’t have a strong sense of direction. One thing I know is that it doesn’t do any good to agonize over the process or to try and rush things. God’s timing is perfect and I’ll have my answer when God is good and ready to let me in on His thoughts.

The verse for this evening is from Lamentations 2:19, “Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord.” Yep – that’s pretty much what I did last night – from 1:58 – 4:02 a.m. There was something cathartic about the whole event, but I do hope that I will sleep tonight. Because I have more teaching in the morning. Anyway, my encouragement is that God wants you to listen to Him – and to obey His will for your life. My prayer is that you will believe that God is patient but make no mistake that He will get your attention one way or the other. Have a great day in the Lord, grace and peace…

 
 
 
 

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