The days are starting to run together. My right leg is still immobile and I am tired of watching television and reading. Until today, the only outings I have had are visits to doctors to get updates on my post surgical progress. Getting ready in the morning is a chore and I can’t believe how tired I get just doing things that I consider ordinary and a part of everyday life. But I have a new reality in my life and I am calibrating things on a different scale now.
I finally opted for a shower rather than a sponge bath earlier this week and while it felt great, I was exhausted afterward. And I was sitting on a chair! I have tried to do the normal things, such as shaving each day, to maintain some semblance of normalcy in my life. That way, at least I feel that I have accomplished something…
Today, like so many other days, started out with getting ready and then heading to a doctor appointment. It all went fine but Janet and I had several other errands to run and I thought it would be fairly easy. Well, I was wrong… we made it to the bank, skipped the gas station and then stopped at Orvis, my favorite store, to take a look at a cane. Janet found a few things, but frankly, I like the cane I already have better than anything else I tried. I think I have become dependent on my cane and can’t imagine switching to anything else. In any event, here’s hoping that my needed crutch is a SHORT term necessity.
I actually had to leave the store and sit in the car while Janet finished up. I just couldn’t stand any longer and I was pretty tired. The truth is that I could have taken a nap. But then, I really wanted to go to the grocery store with Janet. It is one of the things that we do together since I am cutting down on my consulting workload. To be honest, I dreaded walking around the store – my stamina just isn’t back up to speed yet but I wanted to get out of the house.
Imagine my surprise when we entered the store and there were several battery operated scooters that could carry me around the store. I was a little embarrassed and have never had to use one of these in the past. Janet and I were about to try and figure out how they operate when an obviously disabled lady and her friend asked if we knew how to use the device. Of course, we didn’t.
But this kind lady showed us where to store the power supply, where the main power switch was and how to move the scooter forward and backward. A rush of relief flowed through me… I was concerned about rolling into the store but there really wasn’t another option for me today.
I learned quite a bit. Steering was a little easier than I assumed it would be and I had to ease up on the throttle when I wanted to stop or I would have thrown myself over the handle bars. Then there were the little things. Such as parking in front of the fresh produce and realizing that all that cold air moves down to engulf me as I sit on my little scooter while Janet shops an aisle away. I didn’t realize I needed a jacket to shop at the grocery store!
When we finally arrived home, we went out back and sat on the lower porch. The weather was perfect and there was a breeze off the lake. At first, I saw all the things that I have to do to prepare for the summer months. A weed here and there, a need to power wash the deck and time to get the fountain all set up. It took me only several seconds to realize that these things are just “stuff” and not nearly as important as my commitment to getting better and stronger.
As strange as it seems, there was an element of peace during this time. Time to just chill out a little and just enjoy the summer as best I can. The past several weeks have reinforced the idea that I am not in control. It is important to trust in God with all my heart – that He will bring me through any adversity I face.
Tonight’s verse is from the Psalms and highlights my point. In Psalms 37:3 we are told, “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.” That’s what I intend to do. My encouragement is that God wants us to trust in Him and that He knows the plans He has for us. My prayer is that you will have a wonderful summer – dwelling in your land and enjoying God’s provision.